Saturday, 14 March 2009

  • Delirious

    I’ve been slacking on the writing lately. But I’ve been writing You several letters during class. That totally doesn’t make up for it, even though it should. I’ve been trying to send You a lot of messages too, using my own words. But I don’t always do that. Some days, I do. That doesn’t make up for it either, even though it should.

    My emotions have been all over the place lately. I don’t know why. Maybe hormones or something. I’ve been super moody and bitchy these past few days. [Probably the monthlies. Okay, that’s totally the reason but I don’t want to admit it.]

    Don’t get me wrong though, how I feel about You is constant. It’s never affected in a negative way. It only grows more and more every day. I love you so much.

    I want You.

    I want to be with You.

    I want to be with You.

    I want to be with You.

    That doesn’t change. But I think I started to overanalyze it and I guess looking at other perspectives, I can see why us being together right now wouldn’t be the best thing. There’s probably more than a handful of reasons why we shouldn’t be together right now. But really, there’s just one reason why we should.

    The reason why we should be together is because we both love each other.

    [That felt like a really bold statement because I don’t know for sure that You loving me is enough of a reason for us to be together. But for sure, the fact that I love You is definitely a good reason as to why we should be together if You want it too. I don’t think that made any sense.

    Nothing I say right now is going to make sense because I’m nearly deliriously tired. I’m running on 4 hours of sleep. Slept at 4:30am-ish, woke up at 8:45am-ish, no naps all day. And now it is 3:11am. So I’ve been up for almost 24 hours. In about 15 minutes, it’ll be 23 hours. I’m kindasorta insanely sleepy, but I figured I really needed to pick up writing to You again. So I’m being ‘proactive’ as You said. Not about the asking You thing, but about other important things.

    Plus I’m trying to stay up until You wake up so I can say hi. And then I’d go to sleep. I don’t think I can stay up much longer.

    I still don’t know about the whole asking You thing. I want to. OF COURSE, I want to. I’m just scared. I don’t know why. I don’t want things to change. I love the way we are right now. We’re so perfect. You’re so perfect. I love You. I love it all. I love everything about You.

    I just don’t know how to ask. I don’t know how to be cute. I don’t know what You think is cute.

    I thought the lighter idea would be a good idea because it’d show You that I don’t want to change You. Like I just said, I love You exactly the way You are.]

    I love You.

    With all my heart.

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